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The last time I posted about feeling lost, I have never gone back yet. I have never found myself out. I have never found myself. Right now, I do not know what else can I do with everyday I will live and how will I face the day with hope and courage. I have been wishing the day to never end so a new one will never commence. As of the moment, I feel hopeless and stagnant. All I did today is to stay at home and burst all of my frustrations and dismays and disappointment with how my life is going. This is not the life I wanted for myself, I know for sure. But it’s hard to just go out and find my fortune in something else. The uncertainties buried my strength and have replaced it with fear and impatience.  I do not seriously know what will I do with the rest of my life. I am a failure, weak and will lose my battle.

But a little part of me is telling me to not let all of this happen. I want to convince myself that the best is indeed yet to come so there’s no way I should give up!  I want to ready myself for a war because my heart says never give up. At this moment, I want to plan my life – the things I will do and the things I need to stop.

PS: Sorry for the sudden change of mood. There’s just a part of me that wanted the first paragraph to not progress into self-pity and a deeper level of dismay and discouragement. Instead, I will use it to straighten up my path and correct what needs to be corrected and hopefully let go of the things that need to go on. 

Continue with your job and do the best you can while you can. This is one of the reasons why I feel like not moving forward to the destination I wanted for myself. Some of my friends would know that I always hated my label as an employee despite working in one of the most successful and biggest companies in the world, Johnson and Johnson. I know I can be an entrepreneur someday and have my own business. Only that, I do not know as of the moment how will I start and what should I focus on.

I was set to resign this year even though I have no other plans for the next steps. First, I feel that selling the same product for over three years have contributed nothing to my growth as a person. The pharmaceutical industry in the Philippines, I believe, isn’t the industry for myself driving my learning curve to plateau. No strategic marketing plans and seems to be working on by myself – these are also the things that made it clear to me that I have no future in handling the product. Second, I was promised to be promoted by this year. Yet, for inconsiderable reasons, it was taken away from me. The promotion means getting out of the pharmaceutical industry and getting the chance of handling a different product. And so, I feel like I was forced ‘again’ to work on something I hated doing.

Since my plan to resign will most probably not happen in the near future, I just wanted to promise myself that I will still give my best in everything I will do for the company. I was down because I need to do the job I don’t intend to continue anymore. But since circumstances have spoken that I have no other way out yet, there’s no way I should entertain the thought of failing again this time. So instead of being discouraged and disappointed, I will stand up and fight for what’s best for my life!

Stop trading in Stock Market. Study first! When the Philippine Stock Market went down by almost 400 points yesterday, my world panicked and my savings/investment went compromised. I have to learn it the hard way because my stocks went down by as much as 30%. More to that, the rush to invest more became inevitable as the stocks enter bear market despite having only enough for my expenses for the month. Three things I learned because of that:

  1. Stock Market isn’t gambling. You just can’t bet your money to it and pray for luck.
  2. Do not ever look for money you do not have when you think the time is best to invest. Do not be impulsive. And again, it is not gambling!
  3. Be patient. For as long as you have invested to a sound company (based from your research and analyses), it will bear profits.

So what needs to be done? Well, I need to continue looking for resources that will help me understand better the world of stocks trading. Some video lessons in Youtube would actually help. I just started it before writing this up. Just be sure to filter all of the resources because the truth is, not everything will help. I hope I can find physical books that talk about the basic and fundamentals of trading especially reading charts, etc. Learning the traditional way seems to be more effective than online. But anyhow, online resources, as you know, are easier to be found. And to collate all that I will read and absorb, a notebook will help to take down important notes. 

I know I need to go back to basic to study and be expert to what I wanna pursue. So, doing this will remind me that I will always be a student at any given time.

Focus on researching future business. Since this is my ultimate goal, I want this to be more specific and time-bound. The ultimate business I wanna engage in is actually distribution of consumer goods. This is a big dream that I actually do not know how to start. I initially look for possible loans in the banks yet, I was always declined because I do not have enough financials to prove my capability. They always request for either my payslip as employed or financial statements of an existing business which I do not have yet. Contradictory, how am I supposed to put up my own business if they’re not giving me the chance to put up in the first place? Anyway, maybe that’s just how banks work.

So for now, I wanted to do the following:

  1. Keep on looking for possible trucks or close van for sale with possibly no down payment and has good terms of purchase in installment form. Do not be afraid to inquire and ask questions. Always be polite and engaging. I am positive that I will meet the right person and company that will help me start my dream business.
  2. For the mean time, look for other possible small business to start with. Alibaba is a good source of products for reselling in the Philippines. There are a lot of options to choose from in products and even in the suppliers.
  3. Maybe creating my own product isn’t bad at all? Therefore, I need to check on how I wanna  create innovation and convenience to people’s lives especially in the world of high technologies. I just remember how eager I was to think about creating my own product when I was in college. It always excites me to think how I can change something to the way people live their life. Okay, this actually excites me now. I will write about it when I finalized one.
  4. A printing business is actually appealing to me. With target market of students, this will surely be non-stop in customers if only placed in the right place.
  5. Franchising food carts could also be an option.

Two, three, four and five are only options I consider because, ultimately, I want number one to happen! I think I should have a separate notebook for this so I can fast track my progress.

Anyway, I know the plans I created in this were kind of shallow in depth. But the good thing is, I was able to start doing it. Maybe by Saturday or earlier, I need to create more specific plans with time frame so I can have better view of where I wanna go and how I will do it. After all, this is all I wanna do. I do not want to be an employee for so long. If only I have enough resources, I could have left my current job and spend the rest of my life looking for my ace in entrepreneurial. But doing this at this situation, will not hurt though (hopefully).

The part two will be up soon. It will entirely be consisted of the things I need to change and improve about myself. A lot of people have already overpowered me because I am always the polite and silent one. I just listen to people who wants to talk but it doesn’t necessarily mean I am allowing them to influence me. But it doesn’t actually help me, I know. I need to be proactive with conviction. My self-esteem should tell people that I am no similar to everybody. More on my next post.

For now, I just wanna thank God for helping me shift my emotion from a stressful one to something productive and positive. Maybe this is the lesson I should learn from now on, to always use whatever the situation is for my own good and for the better. No one will help me be placed in the place I wanna be aside from myself so therefore it is myself that should change and where everything should start. I am positive I am making a shift of my life – from nowhere to somewhere only God knows that I will discover in His perfect time.

All is well,