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Pre-note: This is my first unedited spontaneous raw thoughts post. On this series called ‘Out’, I just wanted to write all that is running in my head. I just want it out. So please bear with all the rants and overacting emotions. This is my outlet so allow me to burst it all. 

I don’t really know what I feel right now. The JNJ party has finally ended already. It was indeed fun! But after the party, I wasn’t able to sleep well. I don’t know why. Maybe Joel snores so loud that I can’t sleep. But something is bothering me. Or someone, I guess? 

I don’t know. I am preoccupied now. I just feel that someone always wait for my move to be done before that someone do her own. There are two questions that’s running in my head since last night: Does someone actually always want me to do things first before she does it? Or Isn’t she interested at all? I don’t know. I just feel that way. 

Or Am I seeking her attention too much that I long for longer time and exposure with her? I don’t know. I do not have an answer. I just feel this way like a hashtag ‘wokeuplikethis’. And it’s not okay!! I am not okay feeling like this! 

The paranoia strikes again. And I know that someone will tell me that I am selfish. Am I? Okay, I am selfish. I don’t want this to cause an arguement. I admit that I am paranoid and obsess. But I hope that someone gives importance to the time I am rendering. Because, it is precious and I chose to spend it with her.