Today, I am, again, broke. Not because I splurge on so many things I want but expenses just came in series. Seriously, it makes budgeting harder and harder for what have only left. And kind of makes people crazy having nothing to spend enough.
But I got one realization over this. I thought of my parents…
When I was younger, we once fell behind the poverty line. My parents do not have regular and average-paying jobs to support six of us. Two were on collegiate, two were on high school and the rest were helping my parents to earn a living. Income is indeed not enough to get by the day and while every day had passed, it gets harder to live.
Sometimes, I would see them quiet laying on the bed and looking far from reality. Most probably, they’re thinking how to surpass the day and the next days to come with little cash to support meals, allowances, bills, etc. Most probably, they’re thinking where to get money or whom shall they see to lend them a money.
And at that age, I must admit that it’s the time when I least understand everything that was happening. It’s the time when I complain about not having my allowances to spend for projects and other school expenses. I remember the time when I get mad thinking that I won’t graduate on high school because of that circumstances. But then my parents would still come up with something to give to us for us to continue studying. And I won’t bother to ask where it came from and how they’d get it.
I have this feeling that part of my experience today is what they have felt long ago. That they don’t wanna go out and talk to people but instead just sit down the corner or lay on the bed trying to fall asleep to break free from the problem of today. But we can’t sleep because we just can’t runaway from that reality.
I felt the hard computations of spending only this much but knowing it isn’t enough. I felt the enumerations of what to do’s to accommodate the necessities with what has only left. For a short period of time, I have felt how my parents had gone for most of their lives.
And their experience assured me as well, as an independent now, that I can get through this as how they did to help us live a life away from what we had. They are the model and hero of my life. And I will always look them up as the person who have shaped me to be better and never to give up at all points of life.