Thesis submission is already approaching, yet my group haven’t done anything right with our project. Not because we are not doing the best in us, not because we are busy with some other things, and absolutely not because we are confident with ourselves. It’s simply because we do not know what do.
If people would only know the situation we are into, siguro they won’t tell us the things they’ve already said. ‘Coz honestly it hurts to hear those things as if wala kaming ginagawa para sa thesis namin.
We tried very hard. Pero wala talaga e. I was like a kite trying to fly over a storm. Na kahit anong pilit lumipad, paulit-ulit lang ding babagsak. Minsan iniisip ko, siguro tama nga yung sinabi ng iba sakin. Naligaw siguro ako ng course na dapat pasukan. I realized, sobrang hirap pala talaga gawin ang bagay na hindi mo gusto. Coz all I thought, makakayan ko. Pero hindi, at ngayon I’m afraid to fail given a lot of people is expecting me to do better.
I remember the book “Key to Success” by an author who had a brain tumor and who was terminally ill, he said passion and talent must come hand-in-hand. Hindi pwedeng gusto mo lang ang isang bagay at hindi rin pwedeng alam mo lang ito. The 2 must be present to achieve what you want. I asked myself, where am I in this? I’m lost. How would I achieve a goal if that two factors aren’t in me in doing the project? I feel like forced to do that. Worst, it holds my future if I’m gonna graduate this October or not.
Minsan nga, tinatanong ko sarili ko kung makakahanap ba ako ng trabaho kahit wala akong diploma. I was trying to prove to myself that getting a job is not about what you were in school. I wanna prove myself that even I didn’t graduate and get my diploma, I could still reach the life I dreamt of. All because I already lose the little hope that remains in me.
Iniisip ko, ginawa ko naman lahat to reach this stage of my life. Nag-aral naman ako mabuti. I tried hard to learn. Pero bakit ganun? Kung ano pa yung bagay na hindi mo gusto, yun pa yung bagay na humahawak ng kapalaran mo. I’m afraid na baka dahil sa isang failure, masira lahat ng plano ko sa buhay.
In this situation, I realized too how does it feel to be a student na sinasabi ng iba na bobo at walang alam. I realized, hindi naman lahat bobo e o walang alam. Yung iba, hindi lang talaga nila gusto yung ginagawa nila, na kahit anong pilit nila matuto, hindi yun pumapasok sa utak nila kasi hindi talaga kayang maabsorb ng utak nila. At isa ako dun. I realized, kung bobo ang tingin ng iba sa ganitong mga tao, bobo rin pala ako.
Right now, I really do not know what to do. Parang gusto ko na lang tanggapin na hindi talaga ako para dito. Gusto ko na lang tanggapin na yung inaasam kong graduation, hindi ko makukuha’t maabutan. Gusto ko na lang sumuko. Pero paano na yung kinabukasan ko kung hindi ako makakagraduate?
Wala na akong ibang maisip na solusyun kundi ang magdasal na lang araw-araw kay Lord na sana hindi niya kami pabayaan. If it’s His will, let it be. It has a purpose for sure and I know It’s for my betterment. Sa ngayon, isang bagay na lang yung pinanghahawakan ko and I saw this in facebook several months ago. It’s a simple note from Him. Sabi niya, “Just do your best, and I’ll take care of the rest.”
Behold I am with you, and will keep you in all places wherever you go.