Sometimes, it’s hard to accept the things you didn’t expect to happen. That after all the hardwork, you’ll end up left behind. I would say that it’s frustrating even to the point of questioning what made things go wrong. Did I do nothing? Or isn’t it enough? Am I not good enough to fulfill my mission? Then I come to realize, it’s true that the hardest thing on earth is acceptance.
The project I was handling was disapproved by our biggest stakeholder. I understand the reason behind it and I am not blaming anyone from them their ‘life-melting mind-pounding heart-breaking’ decision. I understand the point and the impact it would bring to our school. I understand the question of credibility and its political impression to the persons involved. And now, what else I understand is the fact that we’re gonna start over again from scratch.
At the moment I get to be alone, I reminisced what I have been doing for the past 30 days. The depressing times, exciting moments, hopeless nights and all the mixes of emotion I have encountered since the start of this project, it’s hard to say but it isn’t that worth it. For the past 30 days, I was like a lean guy pulling a 10-wheeler truck that for 30 days of hardwork, I can’t even move a meter away from the starting point. This is a thing you can’t be proud of and worse, a thing you are to be ashamed of. I really do not know what would be the reaction of my teacher and my classmates about this, and how will I tell them this and that. I’m kinda afraid to speak, in front, of my shameful moment. I don’t really want to see them making a face over me, or blaming me in their minds. It might not be evident outside, but it will absolutely upset me a lot inside.
I was praying to God what would this be all about. What He wanted me to realize. What is his purpose for giving me, and the rest of the group, this kind of endeavor. But what I claimed was He has plans to prosper me and not to harm me. That line was continuously repeating in my mind. I know what had happened has a purpose, and for whatever is that, I should learn it by facing bravely this challenge. It’s frustrating when you see it in the negative side, but it urges excitement if you are only just optimistic of the things which are negatively dressed up.
I picked up a piece of paper in the fishbowl of school’s chapel where there are advices and quotations from different leaders and inspirational people. Surprisingly, I picked one which says, “God grant me the courage not to give up what I think is right even though I think it is hopeless.” I assume, God answered my prayer immediately. And what I just need is to believe in him.
For now, I do not know what next are we gonna do. I am still rejuvenating my mind from that moment of truth. I know greater things are yet to come. I just have to believe in myself that I can.