Another term has just ended, and yes I still survived though hindi pa naibibigay yung course cards ko. Hopefully I passed all of my subjects. However, I am not expecting higher grades. It was a good experience yet seemed like frustrating and disappointing.
If I get low grades, I would accept it. I believe I deserve those numbers. I do not know if I have given the best I can give because even I wondered if I was myself in doing those school works, requirements and all. Pakiramdam ko hindi ako yung taong yun. Or maybe some things have already changed and that is what frustrating, not being yourself when creating your future.
A lot of things came about and those things really tested my character. Dahil sa sobrang dami ng projects, parang hindi ko na kayang pagkasyahin ang 24 oras to spend my daily life. Kahit nga paghinto ng oras ipinagdasal ko na para lang matapos ko ang mga projects ko at maipasa on time. Marketing Plan, Human Resources Plan, Systems Analysis and Design and Sales and Inventory System Program. Yan ang mga pinagkaabalahan ko the whole term, isama mo pa yung mga reporting, activities, and home works. Even magreview for minor and major exams was rare to happen. My final exams were all unsurely answered. Tapos matatalo ka pa sa election, mapapagalitan ng professor, masasabihan at mapag-iisipan pa ng masama ng mga kaibigan at mga taong nasa paligid mo, who would say this isn’t frustrating?
It’s embarassing to admit, but I failed. Nadala ako sa mga pangyayaring yun that turned me out to be someone that is not me. Parang ang bilis-bilis ko sumuko. I remember when we were doing our marketing plan project, it has 10 chapters but we passed only 9. Where is the other one? Ayun, naglaho! Pinabayaan na namin kasi hindi ko na kaya. Isa pa, hindi ako nagtake ng final exam ko sa programming class ko kasi hindi naman ako nagreview. Tutunganga lang ako dun at magsasayang ng oras. Although sure pass na ako, I know I shouldn’t did that. Pero nakakatawa lang kasi that was the first time na ginawa ko yun. I gave up on it kasi hindi ko kaya o baka hindi ko lang yun binigyan ng panahon para kayanin. These were just two of the proofs that I was unprofessional, immature, and indiscipline in doing my job.
During those times, I felt being like other students na walang pakialam sa education nila but to have a passing grade and get their diplomas. More than these things, I wanted to learn yet I didn’t give myself a chance to learn. Nahiya nga ako sa ibang mga estudyanteng nakikita ko sa library busy studying their lessons, having group discussion and reading books for their projects. Nahiya rin ako sa mga classmates ko nung highschool na in some way mataas ang tingin sa akin. Kahit sa mga teachers ko nung highschool na nagturo sakin ng discipline, nahihiya ako. At mas lalong nahihiya ako sa sarili ko kasi alam ko namang kaya ko pero hindi ko ginawa.
Despite all of these, I don’t feel regretful that these things happened. I must be thankful that these things really challenged me. Hindi ko ito pinagsisisihan kasi may natutunan ako sa buhay ko. Kung meron man, ito ay yung opportunity that I wasted to prove myself that I am ready for a bigger greater challenge. I believe there’s always a room for realization so there must be a room for change. What’s important is I have admitted my fault, accepted failure, learned my lessons and now grabbing the chance of correcting it.
It’s not either you win or not. It’s about the experiences and lessons you get while unknowingly winning or not.