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Just recently, I was kinda cold to my two friends in school all because of one subject. We were groupmates in our projects on that class. That was the first time we group ourselves for two years. I thought everything will gonna be alright since I’m comfortable being with them so I assumed working with them is also easy and definitely I trust them because of the friendship we have earned. Unexpectedly, hindi pala ganun kadaling sabihin ang lahat ng yun.

Everything was about the Marketing class. We were tasked to report a case analysis and sell greeting cards during the Valentines. Case Analysis came first. We have agreed to meet friday afternoon at exactly 1pm. I even cracked a joke telling them that whoever will come late will have to treat us a lunch. Since meron pa akong gagawing different solo project, pumasok ako ng maaga because I presume the case analysis would take 3 to 4 hours which, as far as I remember, seconded by one of them. At around 12:30pm, one of them texted and telling me that she will be late because ‘her mom requested her something.’ I don’t doubt! Okay reason accepted.

At 1pm, I was already in the meeting place waiting for them. On that day, I actually have a meeting with other student assistants but I chose not to attend because of this project. At 1:30pm, I felt like my time was wasted waiting for them. So I just attended the meeting even late which ended around 2:30pm. I went back to the meeting place but I cannot see or feel any presence of any of them. That time, pakiramdam ko I was taken for granted! I do not deserve waiting for how many hours. Nalelate ako sa ibang meetings ko but I have never ever been late for much hours and I try as much as possible to prompt the person waiting for me that I will be late for certain minutes. But that circumstance? Hell, I was already pissed off.

One of them came at around 3pm. Sadly, wala na ako sa mood to think and analyze things and work with her. But I still try to understand whatever their reason may be because they were my friends. So instead of continuing the project, I insisted to just take it home and will do it myself. I understand she cannot do it over the weekend because she needed to attend a seminar somewhere in Rizal. With my other one groupmate, I do not know what had happened to her. She didn’t send me messages telling me what the hell is happening to her.

Over the weekend, I still have to work on with three projects all due Monday after that week. And those projects aren’t easy to do. Each took me a day to finish while sleeping early in the morning the next day. Sadly, hindi ko natapos yung case analysis. Honestly, mas inuna ko muna yung mga solo projects ko than this case analysis because I know and I expect that if I cannot finish it, they were there to continue to meet the deadline. Monday morning, I apologetically told them that I haven’t finish the case analysis. They said okay and will just finish it before Marketing class starts.

On Marketing class, I received the bad news! Pakiramdam ko that time nagkamali ako ng desisyong pinili. Actually, I chose this project over the Summer of Service seminar of CSA. Kung alam ko lang na hindi rin naman pala maipapass ng maaga yung case analysis na yun, sana hindi ko na lang sinacrifice yung gusto ko gawin sa kung ano ang dapat kong gawin. The summer of service is obviously a volunteering work during summer. But since I forfeited the chance of going there this summer, I still have to wait for a year for the next SOS. I was so disappointed seeing the one I sacrificed isn’t worth giving way for the other. And what’s more hurtful is the fact that it was all because of my trusted friends.

Ayaw kong masira yung pagkakaibigan namin kaya itinago ko na lang yung sakit ng loob ko sa kanila. Here comes the other project, selling of greeting cards on Valentines day. Every after our class, I always try to asked them to talk about our plan for this event. Minsan may nangyayari sa plano, minsan wala. And I must admit, hindi ko forte ang gumawa ng greeting cards kaya somehow medyo less yung interest ko sa project. The friday before 14th, CSA had an activity regarding the current AFP corruption scandal (posted If you think you are dying for your country, so be it). Since mas interesado ako dito kesa sa project na yun, nawala sa isip ko yung project. I know and I admit may mali ako sa part na yun. However, none of them reminded me of the project, for what reason, yan ang hindi ko alam.

Friday night after the noise barrage, I went, together with my friends, at a small get-together event. Sympre hindi ko naiwasang uminom at mag-enjoy kaya instead of going home late at night, I just slept over his house, went to school the next day to attend the “secret” meeting and went home on afternoon. During those times, nawala talaga sa isip ko yung project but I hadn’t also received any text messages from them. At around 2pm (I just arrived home), one of them texted me telling me to go to school for our project. Sa sobrang badtrip ko, hindi ako pumunta. sinabi kong hindi ako pwede (kasi nga kakauwi ko lang) at blame them kung bakit biglaan naman. She reasoned out but I didn’t care. At night I texted them both kung anong oras papasok bukas to sell the card. Since hindi ako nakatulong sa kanila sa paggawa ng card, gusto kong bumawi by going school early para makabenta ng maaga. She replied me that I should be in school before 8am.

I arrived 8:10am. None of them was there. naghintay ako telling myself na baka malelate lang sila ng ilang minuto. At 10am, wala pa rin ni isa sa kanila kaya umatend na lang ako ng bible study. Again, badtrip na naman ako! Sino ba namang hindi maiinis dun? Sana hindi na lang nila ako sinabihan na pumunta ng maaga para hindi ako naghintay ng ganung katagal. Hindi na rin ako nakatulong sa pagbenta kasi morning lang ang available time ko that day kasi I have other meetings na dapat attendan. Tapos nung in-approach ko sila they’re like heck sakin and saw one of them made a face! Kayo pa ba ang may karapatang magalit?

Ayaw kong ganito yung pakiramdam ko sa kanila kasi they were my good friends at ayaw kong masira yung pagkakaibigan namin dahil lang sa project. But I came to realize that it wasn’t about the project alone. Professionalism was an issue! I was practicing myself to be professional in everything I do kasi alam kong ang pagiging estudyante ay training ground ng kahit na sino for their professional lives soon.

Kaya as much as I want, gusto ko silang kausapin to talk these thigns out, to clear everything. I don’t like treating them okay as if nothing happen. But I know they don’t like to talk about it. Katulad kanina when I asked her again na pag-usapan namin yung nangyari, ang sagot niya sakin wala naman kasing dapat pag-usapan. HELL! Why don’t you accept the fact that something really happened. That I felt annoyed with you while you felt the same way too. I wanna look at your point kasi ang alam ko lang e tama ako. And I don’t want this to happen again ever because it will only caused us breaking. Yet, I want you and meย  to learn from it just to make sure that it won’t really happen again.

True friends are transparent to each other. Kung hindi niyo kaya yun, siguro I just treated wrong people. Lahat ng bagay nadadaan sa usapan if you are just open-minded. And that will make us understand what our mistakes are. In effect, it helps us to grow deeper and know ourselves better.