It is really hard when you have to make decision out of nothing. I don’t know if it is right to say ‘out of nothing’ because something big was really in there only that myself kept on complaining making the situation more complicated to handle where in fact I could really set up options and choose among them swiftly. That’s how easy it is.

I was really very much affected to the point na nakalimutan kong kelangan ko pa lang magreview for the midterm exams and do my assginment. I actually didn’t pass or even do my assignment because of that simple-turned-complicated-problem case ng buhay ko. It sucks.

I am not ready. This was the line that always popped-up to my mind, that even I tried to convince myself to attend that activity, I still ended up saying ‘ I am not ready!’ Hindi ko nga alam kung bakit on whatever compelling power na ginamit ko, wala pa ring epekto. I still stood with what is not right although I am consciously aware that it will help me a lot.

It is not that I am trying to hinder myself. I have the will and the courage to attend. It’s just that I felt something missing regarding my sense of belonging. It’s the same feeling when you are new to an organization or stranger in town, or peculiar from the majority.

Only when a ‘strange’ girl talked to me with my fellow friends. I was inspired by what she’ve said. Nagulat lang ako for a while kasi parang siya yung naging sagot sa problema ko. I mean, napakatuliro ko kasi before we’ve met. As in, like what I’ve said, hindi na ako nakapagreview for the exam at there’s a feeling of sluggishness during that time. Kaya naisip ko it is really a God’s will na makita ko siya at marinig ko yung mga sasabihin niya.

She said that an individual can’t help himself by means of himself alone. He needs to be involved with fellow people to grow. And what’s make me realized things was when she said that hindi naman kelangan ng tao maging matured muna bago makisama sa mga taong may alam na sa buhay. Kaya nga makikihalubilo ka sa kanila para may matutunan and apply it to your life.

I have this perception kasi na nakakahiyang makisama sa mga taong, let’s say, ‘professional’ na sa ilang mga bagay. And what’s worst is when you saw someone younger than you! Di ba mas humiliated yun! Kaya I have the tendency to make myself ‘professional’ first before getting involve with them. At least kahit papaano pumantay ako sa level nila. HEHEHE

Thank God that at least hindi na nagtagal itong kakaisip ko. That in just a day nabigyan agad ako ng sagot! Ang sarap pala sa pakiramdam ng ganun e! That after you’ve wasted your time for that dilemma, you will still end your day up with answer! :))